On a similar note, there is a distinct difference between truly listening to what someone has to say, and trying to label them, i.e. put them in a mental box. The latter happens very frequently in politics, where opinions are judged on a stereotypical spectrum of left versus right, 3 and then fit into convenient boxes of opinions, so that they can be distilled into “agree versus disagree”.
Here are some examples: “So what you're advocating for is anarchism?” (implying: you're stupid and violent) or “Okay but this author is a leftist” (implying: this is clearly the wrong view so I can safely ignore everything they say) or “They promote anti-tech worldviews but they’re using a computer!” (implying: any sense of contradiction means that I can again safely discard what they say 4)
From this we can see that to truly listen, we must let go of the need to put people in boxes, which is easier said than done. But then listening is more than simply “not being judgemental”, the same way that dancing is an art, far more than simply “not falling”. In fact the comparison with dancing strikes me as very appropriate for describing what a good conversation is: it features two people interested in one another, who can step out and let the other guide when needed, it features rhythm, care for the other, such that it is not selfish, but also not about undermining any sense of individuality, for a dance can only arise from two skilled dancers, and ultimately it is enjoyable and mutually beneficial, unlike debates for example.
2 As opposed to let’s say taking the entire vibe that you get from someone, which is of course a distorted image of who they are, but at least it avoids running into the problem of fixating on tiny irrelevant details which the mind has a tendency to get stuck into. It’s not that someone has this and that weird idea about politics, or doesn’t make that much money, or is somewhat short or whatever. It’s rather that they give the vibe of someone who only talks to people if they can get something out of them.
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2024-10-27